RIC FLAIR’S HAIR – 116.80
KING HENRY STIFFY – 106.10
With no Thursday action, both of these team managers got an extra couple of days of anticipation leading into their high-ranking bout! With each team having just one player bust the 20-point bubble, it was really decided in the FLEX. Terrace Marshall Jr (14.3) & Rondale Moore (14.9) combined for 29.2 fantasy points for the Hair, while D’Onta Foreman (4.1) & Jamaal Williams (10.1) combined for just 14.2 points on the Stiffy’s side of the card, eventually leading to the 10-point defeat. The Hair’s player of the game was Tyreek Hill (27.3), a man who is somewhat quietly on pace to set receiving records, eclipsing 1,000 yards at just the halfway point of the regular season. The highlight for the Stiffy was Josh Allen (24.8), a QB that could’ve had a much better day if not for uncharacteristic turnovers. Though he remains ranked as the overall QB1 on the season, Allen is now questionable with an elbow injury that could potentially sideline him, creating a huge question for the KHS roster. This could loom large in the #4 Stiffies’ week 10 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK with the top team in the league – Zan’s Commando Dolphins. A win in this one could create a little bit of chaos atop the standings, especially if Josh’s #2 Ric Flair’s Hair can take care of business against Jaime’s #3 Bits!
MAGIC CITY SKEET SHOOTERS – 117.04
KITTLES ‘N BITS – 105.92
The hot streak came to an end in week 9 for the Bits, falling prey to the rookie Magic City Skeet Shooters. Just when you think this first-year member is finally hitting that rookie slide that will drop him to the bottom of the standings, he comes back with a big win over an unexpecting opponent and proves that this sport is more luck than skill. Patrick Mahomes (34.14) led the way for the Skeet Shooters, with Justin Jefferson (25.5) riding shotgun. Outside of that, this lineup had five members score fewer than six points apiece. Jalen Hurts (20.02) actually had one of his less impressive fantasy performances, and the Patriot D/ST (26) was the MVP of the week for the Bits roster. Despite the loss, the Bits fall only one spot to #3 due to almost everyone else in the upper half of the standings losing in week 9 as well. The win did help Keaton’s sticky bandits though, propping them up at #5 overall and currently in the playoff picture as a wild-card. Keaton will get a chance to create a small winning streak if he can put things together versus The Real Slim Brady in week 10. As for Opey, his #3 Kittles ‘N Bits draw the tough task of facing the #2 overall Ric Flair’s Hair who have won four straight.
COMMANDO DOLPHINS – 169.30
THE REAL SLIM BRADY – 124.94
With the fourth-highest score, Cole STILL ended up taking the ass-kicking of the week at the hands of Zan’s highest score. 44.36 points was the final margin in this one. And now Cole has officially been on both ends of this weekly statistic. How’s it taste, Big Hams? The QB position was basically a wash – Joe Burrow (19.14) vs Kyler Murray (19). The same goes for the RB1 position – King Henry (23.5) vs Austin Ekeler (24.1). But the rest of the scorecard gets lopsided as you scroll down. Yes, Travis Kelce (20.6) did his thing, per usual, but he was the only other bright spot for the Slim Brady. Christian Kirk (21.6) & Mecole Hardman (19.9) put up solid numbers, and Kenny Walker (27.9) continues to perform like the rookie-of-the-year candidate he is. Honorable mention is in order for Kenyan Drake (24.9), who showed up and showed out for the Ravens down in The Big Easy. While this performance did nothing to affect the outcome for Zan, it sure made the bench look better. This was a statement win for the league-leading Commando Dolphins, bouncing back from a tough loss the week before. Now, they prepare to face the Commissioner’s #4 King Henry Stiffy this coming weekend. Josh’s #2 Ric Flair’s Hair might be the only team that could potentially overtake the #1 ranking after the dust settles on week 10, but you can rest assured that the Stiffies will do everything in their power to make that possible. The Dolphins are currently favored by roughly five heading into this one. Cole is now staring down the barrel of a losing streak after two straight defeats. But his team continues to put up great numbers, and he’s still right in the middle of wild-card contention. His #7 Real Slim Brady will get a chance to right the ship in week 10 against a #5 Skeet Shooting squad that’s volatile, to say the least.
THE JR VARSITY – 108.24
BAD JUJU – 98.60
If you were looking for members that talk smack more than these two, the list likely wouldn’t go any further than the Yarber brothers. A year’s worth of bragging rights were on the line in this one after Dalton claimed the 2021 meeting by more than 40 points! If there was anyone wanting his get-back, it was Slick. This was one of the few times this season that Bad JuJu has won the QB matchup on the fantasy card, thanks to Geno Smith (20.8). This came at a cost though, as no other player on the roster so much as sniffed 20 fantasy points in week 9. Even in a down week, The Jr Varsity roster still fielded highlight players like Dallas Joe Dirt (24) & Penguin Waddle (19.5). Make that back-to-back victories for the JV! They’ll now visit the 2-7 Bad Newz Kennels, a team that’s proven to be where players’ seasons go to die. Take it easy on them, Dalton. Bad JuJu will line up against dear friend & co-worker, Brandon, in the 2022 edition of the WEEMS ENGINEERING BOWL. Brandon is coming off a big win; Dustin is coming off a tough loss. This one is lining up to be great! How much money is getting wagered on this one?!
BOBO’S B****ES – 133.40
BAD NEWZ KENNELS – 89.90
In the week 9 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, the potential midseason Sacko Bowl preview, Justin’s Bad Newz Kennels showed us that their 2-7 record was much worse than Bobo’s 2-7 record at the time. After Jonathan Taylor was ruled out for the game, Justin played his handcuff, Deon Jackson, who mustered just 5.6 fantasy points before suffering a knee injury of his own. When will the bleeding stop?! Jackson was one of SIX starters which failed to reach six fantasy points, including Bobby Trees with a doughnut. The three players still even trying for the Kennels were Tua (24.08), Travis Etienne (26.6), & the Lazard King (18.7), who is now also questionable. If you were to take a look at this roster, you’d see the dreaded, yellow “Q” beside roughly half of the names listed. Missing the ass-kicking of the week by a narrow margin, Bobo made Justin one of his b****es to the tune of a 43-point beatdown. Six of nine starters reached double-digits, highlighted by Davante Adams and his 36.6 points. This huge wave of positivity has a chance to carry Bobo to another victory in week 10, as he gets paired up against Devarus’ Mike Vick in a box, a team that’s lost five straight and is in a complete free-fall. Justin will open the gates of his Bad Newz Kennels against a Jr Varsity team that is just outright more talented and healthy over the coming weekend. It needs to be noted that both of these teams are still holding it down in Sacko Bowl contention, with several chips needing to fall to get them out.
MIXON A STRONG DRINK – 132.20
MIKE VICK IN A BOX – 89.52
The final piece of the 40-point-loss trio was Devarus’ #10 Mike Vick in a box, falling victim to the Strong Drink by 42.68. The Struggles at the RB position continue for Devarus, as do subpar performances from Lamar Jackson (17.52). In nine games, Lamar has now failed to reach 20 fantasy points in five of them. Not what you draft that guy as the second QB off the board to do... It doesn’t help when Tyler Higbee gives you a warm, glazed doughnut either. But Cooper Kupp (26.8) had another Kupp kind of week, going 8-127-1. Now you might be wondering how Brandon scored 132 fantasy points with just one guy going for 20+? See Joe Mixon with the outlier performance of the year. This man has not reached 20 fantasy points since week 1, when he scored 21.5. But in week 9, the Carolina Panthers came to Cincy and left their defense in Charlotte. 22 carries, 153 rushing yards, 4 (FOUR) rushing touchdowns. The cherry on top was a 4-58-1 receiving line. Add it all together and you get a hot fudge sundae of 55.1 fantasy points! Almost half of his team’s output came from one player. Now imagine if he had a good team… What would his total score have been? There could’ve been highest score in league history kind of potential! In all seriousness, I expect a severe letdown from this performance with Mixon now on BYE. An unfortunate circumstance as Brandon rolls into the 2022 WEEMS ENGINEERING BOWL against dear friend, Dustin. If Brandon can pull this one off, both Weems members will end up .500 and right in the mix for that second wild-card spot as we make the final push of the regular season. Devarus has now lost five straight matchups, which has to be the longest losing streak of the season, or at least tied with Justin for such. But if there’s one kind of team to be facing if you’re looking to break a streak like that, it’s a rookie team. Week 10 gives Devarus as good a chance as any to get back on track and back to .500 on the season. If he loses this coming weekend, he’s right there in the middle of Sacko Bowl contention for a second straight year…
Comments