KING HENRY STIFFY – 109.66
THE JR VARSITY – 99.74
In one of the nastier matchups of the week, the Commissioner’s King Henry Stiffy rode the backs of three star players to victory while the rest of his lineup was essentially nonexistent. The Bills stack of Josh Allen (26.36) & Stefon Diggs (30.8) connected yet again to breathe life into this otherwise dead roster, while Mark Andrews (23.6) added on with his fourth 20+ point performance so far this season. MVS provided nothing more than a doughnut on the scoreboard, along with the fantasy equivalent of a doughnut hole from pitiful Melvin Gordon (0.8). The saving grace for the Stiffies was the fact that the only player to eclipse 20 points for the JV team was Chase Claypool (23.4), who was riding the bench on Sunday. With this win, the Stiffies jump back up to #2 overall and still boast the highest-scoring team in the league, the only one to reach 800+ points thus far. They opened the season with two straight wins, followed by two losses, and is back on a two-week winning streak. They’ll hope to break this pattern and make it three straight in their upcoming matchup with Brandon’s 2-4 Mixon a Strong Drink, who will be fresh off the lowest score of week 6. Unfortunately for Tyler, his Bills stack will be on BYE for this matchup. But if he’s looking for silver linings, he’ll find a couple of them in knowing his Lions RB combo is back in action after their week off, and Brandon’s team has been down more than it’s been up in 2022. As for Dalton’s Jr Varsity, they had to watch another awful primetime game involving the Broncos be the reason they suffered a third consecutive loss. They continue their free-fall down the standings to #10 overall and currently sit at 2-4 on the season; a far cry from the glory of being a 2021 Championship participant. But they’re still right in the middle of things as their division currently sits in a three-way tie at 2-4. Things don’t get any easier for them as they face the red-hot #5 Kittles ‘N Bits in week 7.
RIC FLAIR’S HAIR – 149.30
BAD JUJU – 107.08
On par with his current pattern of win-loss-win-loss, our reigning champ achieved the highest score of week 6 while also administering the ass-kicking-of-the-week (42.22 margin) over one of hotter teams of the last several weeks, Dustin’s Bad JuJu! The Cheetah (29.7) led the way with 12 catches for 177 yards, followed closely by Brandon Aiyuk (28.3) and his 8-83-2 receiving line. Both receivers did this despite their teams losing in real life. CMC (22.8) put up another McCaffrey-esque performance while Touchdown Lenny (22.1) did most of his damage in the passing game. Yell at that, Tom! The Bad JuJu lineup continues to suffer from mediocre QB play, as Geno Smith (12.68) became the next in a long line of fantasy starters on this roster to fail to reach even 15 fantasy points in any given week. Not that it would’ve mattered in this one, but it’s obvious this position is giving management fits. Bad karma from doing voodoo magic, maybe?? The only player even close to noteworthy for the Bad JuJu in week 6 was Alvin “AK41” Kamara (18.4), who’s finally starting to perform like he has in years past. Even with this loss, Dustin remains in the top-5 in overall and now sits tied with Devarus atop the Watkinsville division. For the second time this season, Bad JuJu will face off against a #1-ranked team, this one being Zan’s Commando Dolphins. Early projections actually favor Dustin by double digits! Can he knock off the top dog yet again? Josh will get a chance to face off with his bottom-dwelling younger brother, Justin, in the 2022 YARBER BOWL! Though is a #8 vs #12 bout, it’s only right that this legendary rivalry game be named the week 7 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK.
BAD NEWZ KENNELS – 128.52
MAGIC CITY SKEET SHOOTERS – 103.86
“Fall is proof that even change can be beautiful.” – Some basic, white b****, probably. The first frost of the season came just as Justin’s 0-5 Bad Newz Kennels found their first win of the season. Coincidence? Not likely. The truth is, Hell has frozen over as this band of misfits found a way to, not only victory, but a decisive 25-point victory. Just look at the names of this starting lineup: Daniel Jones (13.52), Cameron Brate (3.4), Allen Lazard (17.6), Christian Kirk (10.8), Deon Jackson (28.1), Washington Commander D/ST (13) … Names that folks have never heard or have never connected to fantasy relevance. On the losing side of the scorecard: Pat Mahomes (19.62), Nicholas “Half” Chubb (8), CEH (3.3), Justin Jefferson (16.7), JuJu Smith-OnlyPlayaWorthADamnThisWeek-Schuster (22.3), Bills D/ST (8). Imagine we didn’t list the scores next to each of these player names, who would you think won the week? It’s likely that Justin was the only person going into this week with the thought he could win, and he certainly couldn’t have felt very confident in that prospect. Is this an “even a blind squirrel finds a nut” situation, or a sign of things to come for the Bad Newz Kennels front office? This victory completely changes the outlook of the season for them, as they’re now just one win away from creating quite a mess in early Sacko Bowl discussions with the entire Busch Leeg division sitting at 2-4. Week 7 doesn’t arrive bearing an easy task, with Justin facing off against big brother, Josh, in the MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. THE YARBER BOWL! It appears Josh has recently found his stride and could be looking for back-to-back wins for the first time this season. Justin will just be looking for a second dose of success altogether. As for The Magic City Midgets, they’ll get a chance to (hopefully) take advantage of a Mike Vick in a Box team that’s gone as cold as this northwest Georgia weather after two consecutive losses. Will they achieve the money shot over the #3 team in the land??
COMMANDO DOLPHINS – 95.68
MIKE VICK IN A BOX – 92.50
The tightest margin of victory in week 6 goes to Zan and his Commando Dolphins, beating previously #1-ranked Mike Vick in a Box by just 3.18 points! As the only 5-1 team in the league and now sitting atop the standings, it’s almost time for Zan to change his team name from “Commando Dolphins” to “Sharks With Frickin’ Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads”, but something tells us the NFL Fantasy app doesn’t allow enough characters for that… In all seriousness, this matchup gave us two of the four lowest scores in week 6. As Lamar Jackson (16.1) continues to struggle, so does Devarus. This is the third straight week where Jackson produces approximately 15 fantasy points and that’s not near what he was drafted to do as one of the first QBs off the board. Elijah Moore failed to receive so much as a target in the Jets’ win over Green Bay, so his zero on the scoreboard makes this tight loss sting even more. As for Zan, he took advantage of the injuries in the Seattle backfield and made a great play with Kenneth Walker (19). Outside of that, his starting lineup was a nightmare. That’s until Awesome Excellence (24.3) showed up on Monday night and proved to everyone that he is “Checkdown God” with 10 receptions on 16 targets. Absolutely insane! He also added a score on the ground in route to securing a win for both his Chargers and the Commando Dolphins. These beautiful, aquatic mammals will put their #1 ranking on the line against the #4 Bad JuJu, who are coming off an absolute beating. This would undoubtedly be that MATCHUP OF THE WEEK any other time, but it’s Yarber Bowl week and that’s where Fantasy Gameday is headed. It’s for the ratings… Mike Vick in a Box falls to #3 in the standings and will face off with the #7 Skeet Shooters in hopes of finding those winning ways once again. But with BYEs and injuries looming, the Vick is projected to stay in his box as a double-digit underdog.
KITTLES ‘N BITS – 128.10
BOBO’S B****ES – 100.32
Our dear Opey made it two weeks without suffering his typical bad fantasy luck as his Kittles ‘N Bits took advantage of Bobo and his rookie B****es! Rhamondre Stevenson (25.1) & Michael Pittman (26.4) put up stellar performances to carry this team to the promised land in week 6. The B****es obviously didn’t fare so well, as two of them put up just one point each, Kareem Hunt (1.2) & Garrett Wilson (1.8). There was a bright spot on the card though, as Ja’Marr Chase (32.2) went crazy with a 7-132-2 line in The Big Easy. If you believe in moral victories, Bobo’s B****es reached 100 total points on the week, which is more than half the league can say. Though they’re floating at the surface of the dumpster juice near the bottom of the standings, the B****es have a chance to get right in their upcoming duel with Cole’s #6 Real Slim Brady. The #5 Kittles ‘N Bits are facing the opportunity to create a winning streak and prove their recent success isn’t a fluke. Week 7 brings them a battered Jr Varsity team that’s coming fresh off its third straight loss and is plummeting toward the bottom of league standings.
THE REAL SLIM BRADY – 95.30
MIXON A STRONG DRINK – 69.22
Completing a week 6 sweep of the TEs & Tequila division over the Busch Leeg division, riding Joey B. (32.5) & Travis Kelce (19.2), The Real Slim Brady took down Brandon’s Strong Drink. How did he do this? One can assume he probably went back to Brandon’s apartment, noticed something was floating in his drink, or maybe the drink didn’t have avocado in it, and switched the cups while Brandon was distracted. Classic move. The Strong Drink took hold of its owner and left him unconscious, posting the lowest score of the week. There were truly no player performances worth noting in Brandon’s lineup, but brighter days may be closer on the horizon than you think. Week 7 brings a headline opponent into the fray for Brandon – the Commissioner’s #2 King Henry Stiffy. Any other week, this might spell disaster for the third-year member. However, The Stiffies will be without QB1, Josh Allen, and WR2, Stefon Diggs, due to a BYE week. This situation has opened up quite the opportunity for Brandon to shake up to top end of the league standings. Shifting back to Cole’s success, and his division’s, the TEs & Tequila division holds the three highest-scoring teams in the league through 6 weeks, with all of them being ranked in the top 6 as well. At this rate, there’s a serious chance this division could put all three teams into the playoffs. Just call them the NL East of fantasy football. Currently favored by more than 20 points, The Real Slim Brady isn’t looking for much resistance from #11 Bobo’s B****es in week 7.
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