Mike Vick in a Box – 164.46
Deshaun Wantsome – 117.46
ENOUGH ALREADY!
The week 12 Matchup of the Week delivered, giving us not only a fantastic result that most of the league loved, but also the highest score of the week and the ass-kicking of the week. Devarus led the way in scoring, beating his most bitter division rival, Dustin, to the tune of 47 points. The action began on Thanksgiving Day, when Dustin’s FLEX play of Jayden Reed paid off with a solid 15 points, though Brock Purdy messed around and put up just 10.46. But the first ever Black Friday game on Amazon Prime is where the magic started to happen. Devarus opened his box and pulled out a trio of fantasy starters that all reached double digits – Cheetah Hill (25.4), Penguin Waddle (19.4), and the Jets D/ST (13). This gave the Mike Vick in a Box lineup all the confidence it would need heading into Sunday, even after suffering flashbacks of weeks past as Dustin’s Dolphins D/ST (21) returned a Hail Mary interception approximately 100 yards for a touchdown as time expired in the first half. Sunday afternoon would bring Slick Willy a couple of desirable scores, with Tank Dell (17.2) and Michael Pittman Jr (20.7). Dell actaually could’ve had a MUCH nicer day if not for penalties negating big plays. But the rest of the Deshaun Wantsome lineup just didn’t seem to want none, with four remaining starters failing to reach 15 fantasy points, three of those finishing with single-digit scores. Meanwhile, the Vick in a Box lineup continued to feast, including an incredible performance from Josh Allen (39.66) that still, somehow, ended with a Bills loss. TJ Hockenson (16) also showed up on Monday night to complete the beatdown. This win does a lot for Devarus, allowing his team to remain in mathematical contention for the Watkinsville division crown, and it definitely keeps them deeply entrenched in the wild card picture for the playoffs. With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, Mike Vick in a Box would have to win out while also getting the help of Sons of AnArchie losing in both weeks to even have a chance at the division title. While that may be unlikely, it’s still possible. Mike Vick in a Box is still the highest-scoring team in the Church of Gronk, leading the second team in the category by nearly 100 points. This win also secures Devarus a 2023 regular season sweep over his bitter division rival, Dustin, winning both matchups by a combined margin of 106.94 points! The #5 Vick in a Box now gets the privilege of facing the top-ranked team in the league, Tyler’s Great Locker Room Guys. This was a matchup that Devarus won back in week 2, but things may be different this time around, as he will have several starters riding the pine due to BYE weeks. Dustin now must bow before Devarus, regardless of how the rest of the season pans out. You can’t get your ass kicked twice by the same guy in the same season and still talk smack; it just doesn’t carry weight anymore. But after licking their wounds, the #3 Deshaun Wantsome roster will now have to regroup in the fiercest manner. Their next test is another divisional bout, possibly the defining moment of their season, lining up againts Trevor’s #2 Sons of AnArchie. The winner of this matchup will take over possession of the Watkinsville division, likely for good. Dustin was able to beat Trevor handily back in week 2; can he do it again in a week 12 Co-Matchup of the Week?
Taylor Park Boys – 124.28
Great Locker Room Guys – 120.88
Get Your Brooms Out
This was another great divisional matchup that kicked off on Thanksgiving with both members having several pieces in play. Looking back to the week 1 matchup between these two, Opey gave Tyler quite the beating, winning by more than 50 points. But here in week 12, both teams looked drastically different. The Great Locker Room Guys entered the weekend with a two-game lead in the top spot of the overall standings, also dominating the Tilt-A-Whirl division with a four-game lead. On the other hand, the Taylor Park Boys entered the weekend ranked 11th overall and in serious contention for a Sacko Bowl appearance. These circumstances didn’t discourage those Taylor Park Boys though, as they played their biggest rival like they always do – tough. Three of the Boys played on turkey day, the first one being David Montgomery (15.1). Monty was able to outshine his real-life teammate and week 12 fantasy opponent, Jahmyr Gibbs (11.3). Though the Packers weren’t very kind to the Lions for the first game of the day, Sam LaPorta (17.7) shined in his first Thanksgiving game, really giving hope to the Great Locker Room Guys. That hope was quickly dimmed when the second game of Thanksgiving Day saw Opey’s start of the Cowboys D/ST (16) dig into the Washington Commanders like they were a platter of turkey and dressing. It was pretty cool to see DaRon Bland snag himself another pick-six though, his fifth of the season and setting a new single-season record. A small glimmer of GLRG hope was restored after George Kittle (4.9) didn’t do much of anything in the fantasy department of the Thanksgiving nightcap, but Tyler knew he couldn’t relax until the close of business for the weekend. As he watched NFL RedZone on Sunday afternoon, Tyler got to witness a trio of Taylor Park wide receivers produce really solid scores – Drake London (14.1), Chris Olave (18.4), and Mike Evans (25). Evans nearly produced a hat-trick with three tuddies, but just couldn’t connect on one of the attempts. Nico Collins (23.4) would end up serving as the only Locker Room Guy to be great in the latter part of the weekend, and the only one besides Sam LaPorta to score a touchdown. No other Locker Room Guy would even sniff 15 points. Despite those low performances, the overall matchup was still up for grabs on Monday night, when Tyler’s start of the Vikings D/ST would face off directly with Opey’s start of Justin Fields. Through the first 11 weeks of the season, Fields had yet to produce an acceptable fantasy performance while in the starting lineup, and the Vikings defense was able to score more than 20 fantasy points the last time they played the Bears. So there was still a chance! In the final moments of the game, Fields fumbled the ball for his second time, giving the Great Locker Room Guys a lead of less than a point with just two minutes remaining. Failing to bleed the clock out, the Vikings gave the ball back to Fields, who was able to avoid a sack on every play, eventually orchestrating just enough of a drive to secure a game-winning field goal for his Bears, and making this matchup look a little more comfortable for the Taylor Park Boys than it really was. The Vikings D was still able to outscore Fields 11.00 – 10.58, just not enough to get the job done. This week 12 victory secures Opey a 2023 sweep of his rival, and also brought an end to one of the longest winning streaks the Church of Gronk has ever seen, capping it off at nine straight for the Great Locker Room Guys. While this win was huge for other members of this league, and a huge bragging rights moment for the leader of the Taylor Park Boys, their next matchup might just be the defining moment of their season. Week 13 places them in a divisional battle of 5-7 teams, this one against Brandon’s 11th-ranked Burrows Before Hoes. The loser of this matchup will almost certainly find themselves in a fight to the death over a Waffle House visit in the postseason. As for our beloved Commissioner, the loss stings, but it doesn’t hurt his place in the standings too much. He’s still alone at the top spot, boasting a 9-3 record. His next contest comes against a very explosive, high-scoring team in Devarus’ #5 Mike Vick in a Box. The best thing to happen to Tyler is Devarus losing multiple starters to BYE weeks. The worst part of that? It leaves Devarus starting an extremely volatile, dangerous trio of Dolphins in Tua, Tyreek, and Jaylen Waddle.
Tone Deaf Men of Mentone – 150.16
Bateman & Dobbins – 136.38
Bateman & Dobbins - Choke Artists
The importance of this result absolutely cannot be overstated for the postseason race in this league. With Keaton also winning his week 12 matchup, a Tone Deaf loss in this one would’ve all but guaranteed a Big Hamz Deli division crown for Skeetin’ Keaton. Had Zan won this matchup, there’s a solid chance he could’ve and would’ve set himself up to secure the Champ & Chumpz division crown. But all hell has broken loose with the second-highest-scoring team in the Church of Gronk doing what they do best – scoring a shitload of points when all their chips are pushed to the middle of the table. Let’s take a look at how this all came about! Thursday gave Zan a lot to be thankful for, as Amon-Ra St. Brown (18.5) and Christian McCaffrey (30.9) put together wonderful Thanksgiving performances while the Tone Deaf lineup sat idle for the holiday. But Sunday would tell an entirely different tale. Rashee Rice (24.7) and Rhamondre Stevenson (21.7) would go on to be the only other highlight-worthy starters for the legal team, as five other starters failed to reach 15 points (including Lamar Jackson), with three of those five turning in single-digit scores. The Tone Deaf side of the scorecard couldn’t possibly look more different. CJ Stroud (30.86) continued his OROY campaign. Josh Jacobs (22.5) would put up his first 20-point game in nearly a month. Keenan Allen (22.6) made chicken salad out of the chicken shit performance that Justin Herbert had against that incredibly stout Ravens defense. AJ Brown (14.7) had a decent rebound game from the 1.8-point performance he had just a week ago. Najee Harris (15.9) would sniff 100 rushing yards for his first time this season. Garrett Wilson (17.4) somehow managed a respectable fantasy outing despite playing with a quarterback who is worse than Zach Wilson. And to top it all off, Justin’s start of the Rams D/ST would outscore Zan’s Steeler D/ST 12 – 10. All of this led to the second-highest score of week 12, and also one of the larger margins of victory on the week. This win not only puts Justin’s #6 Tone Deaf Men of Mentone in a solid position for a wild card berth, it also keeps them square in the middle of a hot division race that may come down to a winner-take-all divisional showdown with Keaton’s Broken Chubb in the week 14 regular season finale. This is also assuming Justin takes care of the light work he has next on his schedule, facing Cole’s #12 Mooney Toons this coming weekend, a team that’s lost nine straight. This loss drops Bateman & Dobbins back to .500, their record now 6-6. This happens to leave Zan tied with our reigning champion, Josh, for the lead in the Champ & Chumpz division. Week 13 drops Zan right into the middle of a Co-Matchup of the Week, which may also be a winner-take-all game in the division, as he’ll face Josh’s #8 Back 2 Back. IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!
Back 2 Back – 124.84
Kmet the Frog – 116.78
HE’S ALIVE!!!
The reigning back-to-back champion just continues to display the “never say die” attitude his fantasy teams have become known for. Staring down the barrel of the consolation bracket, Josh put together a lineup strong enough to overcome a poor lower half of the card, including a dreaded goose egg in the TE slot. Dak Prescott (32.24) led the charge for this Back 2 Back lineup on Thanksgiving Day, when he was joined by Brandon Aiyuk (13), the 49er D/ST (14), and Tyler Lockett (6). While those aren’t scores to necessarily write home about, every point counts in a matchup decided by less than 10 points. Meanwhile, Jared Goff (18.18) would fumble the ball three times and allow the Packers to embarrass his Lions in the first turkey day game. DK Metcalf (6.2) would barely outperform his teammate and week 12 fantasy opponent, Lockett. And Deebo Samuel (22.4) would go on to be the second-highest scorer for Kmet the Frog. Honestly, the only other noteworthy player for Bobo last weekend was Zay Flowers (23.2), who scored a touchdown through the air as well as on the ground against the Chargers on Sunday night. As stated previously, Josh started Jonnu Smith (0) in the TE slot, but overcame this by also starting King Henry (20.6) with his two carries to the endzone, and Stefon Diggs (19.4). What’s even more wild is that Josh had a significantly better TE option on his bench, Gerald Everett (14.3), who caught the only touchdown pass from Justin Herbert. Since we’re talking about a bench player, let’s take a look at the highest-scoring bench of week 12. Bobo sat Brandin Cooks (17.2) and Gabe Davis (22.5). You can’t really knock the guy for sitting those players, as Cooks can be somewhat unpredictable and Davis has been a full-blown bust for the vast majority of this season. But sitting Kyren Williams (38.4)? That’s unforgivable, and proves that Bobo deserved this loss without question. Sure, the man just came back from IR for an ankle injury, but they made sure he had plenty of time to get healthy and THEN let him come back against the terrible Cardinals! Sheesh... should’ve traded the guy away for more value if you weren’t gonna use him. The loss in this one pretty much seals Bobo’s fate in the consolation bracket. Sure, he’s still tied with two other potential Sacko Bowl contenders at 5-7, but he’s also scored so many more points that this fact alone should save him from a sticky maple fate. Kmet the Frog will attempt to save face and play spoiler in a week 13 showdown with Keaton’s #4 Broken Chubb. This win was HUGE for Josh and his attempt to get back into the big dance. Based on total points scored, it would be nearly impossible for his team to sneak into wild card position without some bigger fish finishing the season fried, so a division title is basically a must-have for his championship hopes. Back 2 Back stays at #8 in the overall standings, but is now tied with # Bateman & Dobbins in the Champ & Chumpz division lead. They’ll face off for a week 13 Co-Matchup of the Week, with the winner likely securing the division crown!
Sons of AnArchie – 125.24
Burrows Before Hoes – 100.56
Do Hoes Like Waffles?
The dream comeback season for Trevor and his Sons of AnArchie just keeps on rolling with his 25-point win over Brandon’s struggling Hoes. The Sons have now completed the two-game sweep of the Hoes in 2023, winning by a combined margin of nearly 90 points. It’s almost as if Trevor joined the league and struggled for a year or two, then moved out west and found some fantasy Ra’s Al Ghul during his year hiatus from the league, and has now returned to serve justice to the rest of us. He’s holding onto the Watkinsville division lead with a death grip. Of course, winning is typically much more achievable when you’re lined up against the lowest score of the week, something Brandon has the honor of claiming for his third time this season. Only the top three positions on the Hoes’ side of the scorecard reached double digits, each of them going for 20+. Those players would be Matthew Stafford (23.36), Tony Pollard (22.3), and Jonathan Taylor (21.1). Of the remaining six players in this lineup, only two scored more than 5 fantasy points. That is NOT a recipe for success in any fantasy league. But we must give Brandon a nod and thank him, at the least, for scoring 100 points. This marks one of the very few times this season that the entire league has produced triple-digit team scores. To make matters worse for the Hoes, Jonathan Taylor, according to many sources, quietly suffered some type of thumb or hand injury in week 12 that is said to keep him out for at least a week or two. That’s not a good piece of news for a team needing to scratch and claw their way out of the Sacko Bowl... On the Sons’ side of the card, just three players failed to reach double digits, with five of the remaining six starters scoring 15 or more. The two leaders for the team were Kyler Murray (20.44) and The Slim Reaper (23.60). Trevor and his #2 Sons of AnArchie will now make the short drive across town, staying in the Watkinsville city limits, to face off with division foe and #3 team in the land, Dustin’s Deshaun Wantsome. This one may very well be for all the marbles in this division, with the winner also likely securing that ever so crucial first-round BYE in the fantasy playoffs. On the flip side of this coin, Brandon’s #11 Hoes will line up against Opey’s #10 Taylor Park Boys with a Sacko Bowl berth on the line.
Pat JJ’s Broken Chubb – 118.02
Mooney Toons – 117.90
Thanksgiving Miracle
As the old saying goes, “Sometimes, it’s better to be lucky than good.” Such a thing couldn’t be truer for ol’ Skeetin’ Keaton and his Broken Chubb in week 12. After snagging a crucial win in week 11, the Chubb was supposed to take a stroll down easy street during their next matchup against Cole’s bottom-dwelling Mooney Toons. But the weekend took a much different direction than anyone could’ve possibly predicted. Cole started Geno Smith (7.3), Jake Ferguson (4.5), and Jahan Dotson (10.2) on Thanksgiving. Not a gaggle of great performances by any stretch of the imagination. But Keaton’s Thanksgiving play of Brian Robinson (8.4) wasn’t very strong either, so there was still an aura of competition surrounding this one. Running backs, Breece Hall (11.9) and Raheem Mostert (21.4), would duke it out with one another on Black Friday, both fighting for the same fantasy cause, which was a Broken Chubb victory. Then Sunday came, and this is where things got really interesting. Pat Mahomes (20.82) and Calvin Ridley (21.9) would end up being the only highlight-caliber players in the Broken Chubb lineup, while the Mooney Toons actually showed signs of life! High Knees Pacheco (25.9) and Bijan Mustard (27.3) turned on their beast modes at the same time. Even the Ravens D/ST (15) came to fight on Sunday night. And then it all came down to Cole’s FLEX of Jordan Addison on Monday. A young rookie that has shown flashes of a breakout, but has also produced disappointing weeks on several occasions. Which Addision was going to show up? Turns out, 9.9-point Addison showed up when all Cole needed was 10.2-point Addison. One of Cole’s most exciting matchups, and his best chance to win since week 3, gone, just like that. The second-lowest margin of victory this season goes to Keaton, with this one being decided by 0.12 points. Had Cole won, it would’ve only given him the moral victory of spoiling a division lead for Keaton and helping his dear friend, Justin. Instead, Cole’s losing streak grows to a bewildering nine weeks and counting. Now, Cole will surely have to face the internal battle of “should I tank and allow Justin an easy win this week, or should I give it my best shot?” That’s not a position any of us envy. But I don’t think it’ll matter because Justin’s got the second highest-scoring team in the league and should beat the Mooney Toons down no matter what. BET THE HOUSE ON THE TONE DEAF MEN OF MENTONE. Keaton and his #4 Broken Chubb will put their Big Hamz Deli division lead on the line against Bobo’s #9 Kmet the Frog. If Bobo actually decides to start Kyren Williams in week 13, I’m calling for the upset!
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