Great Locker Room Guys – 109.70
Tone Deaf Men of Mentone – 105.84
Tone Deaf Men Go Down With Brown
Week 11 brought us one of those special occasions when the Matchup of the Week lived up to every ounce of the hype, with it all coming down to one player on Monday night football to make it or break it. We’ll look at that player shortly though; let’s break this one down from the beginning. Thursday night was the opening of this matchup, as Great Locker Room Guys, Ja’Marr Chase and Mark Andrews, took the field for an important AFC North showdown. The Ravens would receive the ball to start the game and the very first play from scrimmage was a 14-yard reception for Andrews. Just a few plays later, another pass would land in the tight end’s hands, and he’d take it 7 more yards to secure a short first-&-goal for his offense. The kicker? A notorious “hip-drop” tackle would end up fracturing Andrews’ left fibula and damaging an ankle ligament, effectively ending his season. Not a hot start for the Commissioner with his win streak hanging in the balance. Andrews would finish with just 4.3 points. On the other side of the field, Ja’Marr Chase was already facing a terrible matchup against a formidable Ravens defense. They kept Chase in check during the first half, which also ended with a wild twist of fate. Joe Burrow would leave just before halftime with a torn ligament in his right wrist, leaving him unable to throw a football, and ending his season too. With his top pick of the 2023 draft relying on a backup quarterback, Tyler was ready to admit defeat. That was until Chase was able to reel in a 2-yard scoring grab with only a minute left in the game. This salvaged Chase’s night, leaving him with 9.2 points, combining with Andrews for a small double-digit lead heading into the weekend. Getting less than 15 fantasy points from your first- and third-round draft picks is not a good way to kick off the Matchup of the Week, but Tyler had a weird feeling about that last-minute touchdown for Chase. He even stated in the group chat that the play would loom large at the end of the weekend. And boy, was he right... Within hours of the Andrews injury, Tyler knew he had to do something to fill the void left at the tight end position. So, he made a trade with his front office companion, Co-Commissioner Slick Willy Watkins. The Great Locker Room Guys sent over Terry McLaurin and Tank Dell, getting Nico Collins and Sam LaPorta in return. Based on matchups, Tyler made the decision to start LaPorta over running back, Jaylen Warren. While Warren was going off to the tune of 23.5 points on the bench, LaPorta entered the fourth quarter of his game with a goose egg. Thanks to a late trio of short receptions and a 2-point conversion, LaPorta finished with a whopping 6.8 points. Not quite what the ginger was hoping to get from the #4 overall tight end in fantasy, but the man was only with the organization for two days before he was asked to perform. We gotta cut him some slack. Only two players in the GLRG lineup managed to score 20+ points, those being J-Herb (25.7) and Jahmyr Gibbs (21.5). Gibbs deserved more points, falling just a few inches short of the goalline on a handoff and having the ensuing carry vultured by his backup, David Montgomery. Apparently, Dan Campbell can’t get enough of Monty’s python, if ya know what I mean... Luckily for Tyler, his down week was matched by the same from Justin. As CJ Stroud (15.34) threw 3 picks to the Cardinals, Saquon (30) and Keenan Allen (27.6) showed out. The Bills D/ST (21) went out on Sunday night and took Zach Wilson’s job from him. However, De’Von Achane, Garrett Wilson, Josh Jacobs, and Chig Okonkwo combined for just 10.1 fantasy points, leaving the Tone Deaf Men with a 5.66-point deficit heading into Monday night with AJ Brown left to play. With no Dallas Goedert in the rotation, it was a no-brainer that Brown would feast on the Chiefs, right? WRONG! Brown was targeted 4 times, bringing in only 1 of those targets for 8 yards. Just as Tyler had predicted earlier in the week, that last-minute score for Ja’Marr Chase came back to bite Justin the Situation right square in the ass. Now, Tyler’s win streak has grown to a ridiculous nine games and his remaining three matchups might make up the weakest end-of-season stretch in the league. It starts with Opey’s 11th-ranked Taylor Park Boys in week 12. This team did beat the Great Locker Room Guys in week 1, but that was a LONG time ago and these teams aren’t near what they were at that point. It just might be time for Tyler to avenge that early loss to his division rival. This loss drops the Tone Deaf Men of Mentone down to #7 in the standings and leaves them just outside of the playoff picture. It doesn’t help that they’re now a game out of the lead for the Hamz Deli Shop division with three weeks left to play. Justin’s next matchup doesn’t get any easier, as he’ll take the stand against Zan’s #4 Bateman & Dobbins.
Burrows Before Hoes – 81.64
Mooney Toons – 81.22
Tightest A**holes, Sh*ttiest Performers
If I’m not mistaken, this is the first week since week 4 that Cole didn’t start a player turning in a score that started with a zero. He even started the best overall player in the entire matchup, with Davante Adams (21.2) being the only player to reach the 20-point mark. But at a time when Cole needed a win the most, his team just couldn’t get the job done. This may serve as the fun fact for the week, but Cole posted the lowest score of the week for his first time this season, which is truly surprising for a team who’s won just two games all year. Thursday night saw Brandon’s starting QB and team namesake, Joe Burrow (8.74), leave before halftime with a season-ending injury. Then on Sunday afternoon, Cooper Kupp (2.1) would leave his game early with a low-ankle sprain. The stars appeared to be lining up for the Mooney Toons to take this one away from Brandon, and with High Knees Pacheco left as the only Monday night player in this matchup, Cole had to be feeling pretty damn good about his chances. In the hole by just 10.52 points, there was a glimmer of hope. Pacheco went on to have a fairly decent game on the ground, rushing for 89 yards. But it’s the receiving department where he converted just 50% of his targets into receptions, which honestly puts him right on par with the rest of the Chiefs’ receiving corps. Granted, he only got 2 targets and caught 1 of them for 2 yards, so it’s not like he was getting a huge chunk of the passing work, but still. Pacheco would leave Cole with one of the biggest pairs of fantasy blue balls he’s ever experienced and a losing streak that now sits at eight games. This one easily goes down as the tightest matchup of the week, being decided by just 0.42 points. It’s honestly really cool to see more of these intensely close scores in the most meaningful weeks of the season, though. The Mooney Toons still have a chance, mathematically, to climb out of the dumpster juice at the very bottom of the standings before the regular season ends. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear they have the same chances to avoid an appearance in the Sacko Bowl. Those chances seem even slimmer when you consider the fact they’re projected to score fewer than 100 total points for a second straight week in their upcoming matchup against Keaton’s #5 Broken Chubb, a team coming off the highest score of week 11. Even with his starting quarterback headed to IR, a place Brandon has become very familiar with in 2023, his Hoes escape with the unlikeliest of wins. This was very nice for his team since they also stole the victory with three potential starters on BYE. One more win would likely secure Brandon the assurance of avoiding the Sacko Bowl. However, that likely won’t come in week 12. The #10 Hoes will have to make a trip to the midwest, where they’ll square off with Trevor’s #2 Sons of AnArchie as projected 20-point underdogs.
Pat JJ’s Broken Chubb – 144.98
Taylor Park Boys – 138.30
The Broken Chubb Finds Performance Enhancer In Taylor Park
Back-to-Back wins had the Taylor Park Boys feeling right heading into this matchup, and their performance showed just how high the vibes were. Only one player failed to reach double digits in this lineup, that being rookie TE, Trey McBride (9.3). McBride was actually one of three tight ends to start for the Boys this week, the other two being Dalton Schultz (11.2) and George Kittle (22.9). Let it be noted that Tyler, a man who sure loves some tight ends, is shedding a tear of joy for his division rival showing the courage to start three tight ends and actually making it look good. Something Tyler could never do... Only one other player would match Kittle with such a score for this lineup, that being the Dallas Cowboys D/ST (21). Dem Boyz took complete advantage of a very poor Carolina Panthers team, including DaRon Bland’s fourth pick-six of the season. His FOURTH. That’s a solid season’s worth of touchdowns for a lot of mid-tier wide receivers, and ties the league record for most pick-sixes in a season. Oh yeah, there’s still like 7 weeks to play too. Just wild stuff. Unfortunately, Opey faced another one of the fantasy bad breaks he’s become notorious for. His team posted the second-highest score of the week, only to get shot down by the highest score of the week from Keaton. Even worse, he had to watch a lead of more than 25 points melt in the hands of Popcorn Sutton (16.6) on Sunday night and Pat Mahomes (16.88) on Monday night. Sutton was held in check for most of his game, eventually high-pointing a ball in the corner of the endzone late in the game to take the lead and essentially seal a huge win for his Broncos. This left Mahomes just a 10-point deficit to overcome on Monday night, where even a pedestrian peformance (by his fantasy standards) snagged the comeback win for Keaton’s Chubb, which suddenly doesn’t seem so broken. This win is the second in a row for the two-handicap or whatever Devarus and Dustin call him. The victory also pairs nicely with Justin’s loss, now leaving Keaton in sole possession of the Hamz Deli Shop division lead. The Broken Chubb will likely grow just a little bit straighter and stiffer when they take on the worst team in the league, Cole’s #12 Mooney Toons, in week 12. As for Opey, he’ll get a couple of start-worthy wide receivers back off their BYEs in the coming weekend, when he’ll need all hands on deck in a division rivalry matchup with Tyler’s #1 Great Locker Room Guys. Sitting at such a hole in the division race, the only tangible thing Opey can look to gain from this bout is the bragging rights that would come with a 2023 sweep of the Commissioner.
Bateman & Dobbins – 132.96
Mike Vick in a Box – 114.00
Blockbuster Trade Busted The Box
If there’s one thing that this league has taught the members within, it’s that Zan Thompson loves the Baltimore Ravens. He might claim that he’s a Falcon fan, but his fantasy team is perennially loaded with Ravens. Probably more than any other member of this league is tied to any one team via fantasy football. For the time being, that is. Trevor has made it clear that he’s a Kansas City Swifty now, so we’ll see how that shakes out over the next few seasons. But I say all this as an introduction for the trio of Ravens that Zan started on Thursday night. Lamar Jackson (23.96), Gus Edwards (21), and Keaton Mitchell (5.1) gave the legal team quite a comfortable cushion to start week 11. While it’s difficult to say for certain (we can’t speak for the man himself), it can be easily assumed that such a deficit helped fuel a wild Saturday night trade between Devarus and Trevor. The Mike Vick in a Box manager sent away Alvin Kamara, getting Jaylen Waddle and Aaron Jones in return. At face value, you’d think Devarus won the trade. Like, if you’d been held in captivity by Amazon natives, deep in the jungle for the last six months, and this was the first fantasy football thing you’d seen upon your return, you’d totally side with Devarus. But the reality is that Aaron Jones has spent 2023 riddled with injuries, only scoring double-digit fantasy points twice this season. Jaylen Waddle has played his part as a second fiddle that is so far behind Tyreek Hill, with Waddle eclipsing 15 fantasy points just twice. Conversely, Alvin Kamara has scored double-digit fantasy points in every single game he’s played in 2023, with six of those performances going for 15+, and three going for 20+. The trade was lopsided from the start, based on consistency alone. To pour a whole shaker of salt into this wound, Aaron Jones suffered a knee injury that looked awful, after scoring just 2.7 points. While the knee injury appeared to be catastrophic, and will definitely prevent Jones from playing on Thanksgiving, reports state that he may actually avoid a stint on the IR. Having Jones available for the fantasy playoffs is a good thing no matter what. But it’s getting to the playoffs that may prove difficult for Mike Vick in a Box. Tyreek Hill (30.6) and DJ Moore (22.6) finished as the standout players for the Box, and Josh Allen (22.5) showed out on the bench. We can’t blame Devarus for starting Tua over Allen though, with Allen’s recent turnover issues and that week 11 opponent of the insane Jets defense. Looking at Zan’s side of the scorecard, it’s hilariously top-heavy. Lamar and Gus have already been mentioned, but CMC (21.3) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (21.7) filled out the top four slots. The bottom four slots all finished with single-digit scores. This was a big win for the Bateman & Dobbins team, giving them sole possession of the lead in the Champ & Chumpz division. They’ll face a worthy opponent in week 12, as the #7 Tone Deaf Men of Mentone look to snap their streak of bad breaks over the past couple weeks. Meanwhile, Devarus has just fallen even further behind in the Watkinsville division race, now two games back of Dustin and Trevor. With three weeks left to play, there’s still a mathematical possibility for Devarus to sneak back into contention for the division title. It’s just not very likely. This Mike Vick in a Box team still has everything to play for, though, as they’ve only fallen to #6 in the standings. That’s good enough to secure the final wild card spot and get into the big dance in the postseason. But no matter what, this team needs to keep scoring points. They’re the highest-scoring team in the league, the only team to sit at 1,500+ points though 11 weeks. When all is said and done, this could easily be their only ticket to the playoffs. Coach speak would tell you that no game is more important than the next one, and coach speak wouldn’t be any more spot-on as the week 12 Matchup of the Week with Dustin’s #3 Deshaun Wantsome is a must-win for Devarus. A loss here guarantees him a wild card berth at best.
Sons of AnArchie – 129.86
Back 2 Back – 109.16
Sons’ Sweet Chin Music
The Sons of AnArchie are currently tied for the Watkinsville division lead at 7-4, keeping pace with Dustin’s Deshaun Wantsome. At this point, every matchup is a must-win if Trevor desires to secure the division title and lock up a first-round BYE in the playoffs. Despite trading away two big-name players, his team was able to get back on track from a tough week 10 loss by beating the reigning champ by 20 points. The only quarterback in the league that might beat Trevor in a contest to see who’s not tall enough to ride a Dollywood rollercoaster, Kyler Murray (21.66) appears to be picking up like he never left off, dating back to that ACL injury in 2022. Joe Mixon (21) seemed to be the only bright spot for a Bengals offense that might be starting to swirl around the toilet bowl. Devin Singletary (19.8) has taken over the starting role in a Houston offense that is, surprisingly, taking the NFL by storm. Aside from these studs, Trevor had three other starters score 15+ points, helping him put together the fifth-highest score of the week. Across the scorecards, it was quite a different story. Dak (16.16) had a rather quiet game because his defense and complimentary rushing attack took no prisoners in their domination of the Panthers. Josh’s recent trade acquisition of James Cook (19.2) paid dividends quickly. And Brandon Aiyuk (26.6) led the team as the only player to eclipse 20 points. This loss for Josh comes at an inopportune time, but it’s not a divisional loss, which is important. As we enter the final three weeks of the season, everyone is set to play their two divisional opponents for a second time. This Back 2 Back team isn’t dead in the water; they’re actually still right in the middle of the fight, sitting just one game back of Zan’s lead in the Champ & Chumpz division. Josh’s next opponent just so happens to be another 5-6 squad, division foe, Kmet the Frog. Whichever team wins this one will keep themselves in the race, while the loser will likely be doomed to the consolation bracket. For Trevor, he’s going into week 12 with full positivity, as his matchup comes against the 10th-ranked Burrows Before Hoes. The Sons are favored by 20 in the midweek projections.
Deshaun Wantsome – 133.40
Kmet the Frog – 95.44
Frog Legs, Anyone?
We saved the ass-kicking of the week for the last recap because Dustin needs to learn and exercise patience. The young man spent most of Sunday night and all of Monday crowning Justin as the winner of the week 11 Matchup of the Week, only to fall eerily silent as the Eagles took a knee on the hopes of the Tone Deaf faithful in the final moments of MNF. This matchup kicked off on Thursday night, when Knowlton had Zay Flowers turn in just 8 fantasy points. But the bigger story here was the injury to Mark Andrews. No, Andrews was not a player in this matchup. But Dustin knew that the owner of Mark Andrews, Commissioner Edgeman, holds tight ends a little nearer and dearer to his heart than most other positions in fantasy football. He also knew that, after dropping Dalton Kincaid midway through the season, Tyler’s TE depth was nonexistent. So, he teased Tyler with Sam LaPorta, a tight end that he knew would make a Great Locker Room Guy. He also teased that he was open to trading LaPorta to Mentone as well, another fantasy team with no TE depth. In fear of watching LaPorta go to the Tone Deaf roster and helping defeat his Great Locker Room Guys, a trade was successfully put into place that would send LaPorta and Nico Collins to the Tilt-A-Whirl division, bringing Terry McLaurin and rookie breakout, Tank Dell, to Watkinsville. While McLaurin didn’t do much in the FLEX department, Dell (28.9) led the Deshaun Wantsome lineup as the only player to break the 20-point threshold. The Dolphins D/ST (12) and Jayden Reed (19.2) helped lead the way to victory on Sunday, with the Monday night performances of Jalen Hurts (18.9) and D’Andre Swift (19.7) serving simply as whipped cream and cherries on top of this 37-point ass-kicking sundae. This win carried a lot of weight in the Watkinsville division race, keeping Dustin tied for the lead with Trevor at 7-4. Dustin will re-open divisional play in week 12 in a HUGE Matchup of the Week with #6 Mike Vick in a Box. They don’t get much bigger than this in the fantasy regular season, folks. On the other side of this one, there isn‘t really much to say, honestly. DK Metcalf (20.4) put together one of his best games of the year, with Rachaad White (17.8) being the only other Kmet the Frog player to score more than 15 points. Even with the loss, Bobo’s squad remains tied for second place in the Champ & Chumpz division and still faces a very real possibility of coming back to win the division! He’ll start that final push with a matchup against fellow 5-6 division member, Josh, this weekend.
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