Week 10 Recaps - 2023

Taylor Park Boys – 138.78

Tone Deaf Men of Mentone – 138.74

UPSET OF THE WEEK, MATCHUP OF THE DECADE

There is absolutely zero chance we’re starting the week 10 recaps off with anything other than the closest score of the season. This matchup may honestly go down as the closest in Church of Gronk history! As a member of this league dating back to its inaugural season, I can’t remember a contest being decided by less than one tenth of a point. Sure, you’ll get those one or two annual bouts that come down to less than a point. But 0.04 to put this one to bed?! PURE INSANITY! Now, let’s dive in... This matchup kicked off with the sleeper that was Thursday Night Football, when the Panthers traveled to Chicago and failed to put an offensive touchdown on the board against those pesky Bears. There wasn’t much fantasy fun to be had in that game, with Opey starting Miles Sanders (3) and instantly regretting it. The #TiltKing entered the weekend with that nauseous feeling he’s become all too familiar with throughout this season. But like a shot of Pepto, this rag-tag group of misfits that call themselves the Taylor Park Boys knew they couldn’t let their fearless leader down again, and they rallied. Streamer QB, Sam Howell, carved up the Seahawks in their own house, good for 24.18 fantasy points. It’s honestly a shame that Howell didn’t get the win IRL, as the Commanders ended up being one of six teams falling victim to walk-off field goals this weekend. Mike Evans (26.3), Chris Olave (21.4), and George Kittle (20.6) all feasted on their opponents, rounding out the players exceeding 20 fantasy points for the Boys. OH WAIT! There was also Cardinal TE, Trey McBride, on Opey’s bench with 21.1 points. I feel I’m required to highlight David “Monty” Montgomery (17.6) who looked pretty solid in his first game back from a rib injury, though most of that production came on a 75-yard scamper in the first half. But with the RB2 and FLEX2 spots combining for just 9 points, Opey watched CJ Stroud (19.04) put up numbers for the Tone Deaf Men while stunning the Bengals in Cincy and continuing to build his potential MVP resume as a rookie. Then, Najee Harris (18.6) put up his own personal best of the season. Oh yeah, and Keenan Allen (40.5) was just out there casually giving Justin his second 40-burger of the year. Opey then watched his Cowboys D/ST (8) shed fantasy points in their shellacking of the replacements currently known as the New York Giants. Dem Boyz carried a HUGE lead into the half, playing backups for most of the second half and giving up garbage time points late. The Taylor Park Boys wrapped up their participation in the late-afternoon window, carrying a lead of just over 30 points into the nightcap. In this Sunday night showdown that had the Jets visiting the Raiders, Justin still had two studs left to play – Josh Jacobs and Garrett Wilson. It’s probably not too much of a stretch to say that Justin felt he had this one in the bag while Opey figured he was just about to get his most recent dose of the fantasy disappointment that has seemingly become his norm. But in another low-scoring affair that rivaled the riveting action of the previous Thursday night with the Panthers and Bears, Opey entered the final possession of the night with the slimmest lead imaginable. Jacobs (12.7) was done, and Wilson (18.3) just needed to touch the ball for the Tone Deaf Men of Mentone to escape this matchup victorious. But on the final Hail Mary of the game, the Raiders were able to knock the ball away, securing another exciting win for more than just themselves. This marks a second straight win for the Taylor Park Boys, the first time they’ve put together such results consecutively in 2023. Now at 4-6, they still sit at the #11 spot and are in the middle of Sacko Bowl contention but are well ahead of Cole’s 12th-ranked Mooney Toons. The #TiltKing will put his newfound success to the test in his upcoming matchup with Keaton’s #9 Broken Chubb. This loss certainly stings for the Tone Deaf Men and their manager, but they’re still tied for the lead in the Hamz Deli Shop division, which is a good place to be in the final stretch of the season. Justin will now line up against the hottest team in the league, Tyler’s #1 Great Locker Room Guys, who are winners of eight straight. It may be a tall task, but then again, Justin manages the second-highest-scoring team in the league to this point, so a win in week 11 might not be the surprise you’d expect. This one has MATCHUP OF THE WEEK written all over it...

Back 2 Back – 125.06

Mike Vick in a Box – 124.78

Back 2 Back Gets Back 2 Even

While we’re in the spirit of keeping it close, let’s look at another matchup decided by less than a full point. At a glance, you might think Devarus won this matchup because he had just three starters finish with single digits, compared to Josh’s four. Josh also finished with a dreaded goose egg from Gerald Everett in his TE slot. But where Josh made up the difference was by starting three players with 20+ points, compared to just one for Devarus. Josh’s Sunday started off with a litany of disappointing early window performances, but the standout was that 49ers D/ST (20) with their shiny, new edge toy, Chase Young. They absolutely shut down the Jaguar offense with 5 sacks, 2 picks, 2 fumbles, and just 3 points allowed. The late afternoon games brought joy to the reigning champ, when Tyler Lockett (23.2) and Dak Prescott (37.86) went HAM. This game against the lowly Giants was quite a different story than the opening game of the season for the QB, when he scored just 6.32 fantasy points in that 40-0 win. This is also the new high-water mark for Prescott in 2023. The Mike Vick in a Box lineup produced several average performances throughout the afternoon, with TJ Hockenson (30.4) leading the group with his 11-134-1 receiving line. Entering Monday night, Josh carried a lead of roughly 25 points with Stefon Diggs left to play. Normally, you’d feel safe under those circumstances. But Devarus still had his Bills Stack of Josh Allen and Dalton Kincaid left in play. Plus, the Bills were at home, facing a not-so-great Denver Broncos team that could easily find themselves in the middle of a rebuild within the next calendar year. In the first half, Allen connected with Kincaid for a 22-yard tuddy and we knew this one was off to the races! Especially considering Stefon Diggs wasn’t getting much love. As fate would have it, the Bills managed to put together one of the worst choke jobs of the season in the second half, eventually losing on a walk-off field goal from Will Lutz. Diggs turned a measly 5 targets into 6.4 fantasy points, which was just enough to hold off Josh Allen and his three turnovers. I guess this poses the question: Did Stefon Diggs win this matchup, or did Josh Allen lose it? I think we all know the correct answer. But as the old saying goes, a win is a win is a win. Without a doubt, Josh will take this dub and keep himself in the middle of a tight race for the Champ & Chumpz division, where all three members currently hold 5-5 records. The next opponent for his #8 Back 2 Back squad happens to be Trevor’s #2 Sons of AnArchie, a team fresh off a disappointing loss. Week 11 is a showdown from top-to-bottom between the Champ & Chumpz and the highly touted Watkinsville divisions, with serious implications for all members involved. Surprisingly, Devarus manages the highest-scoring team in the Church of Gronk but possesses just a 5-5 record to show for it. Luckily for him, as he loses, so do the two teams ahead of him in the Watkinsville division, still leaving Mike Vick in a Box just one win out from a tie for the lead. He’ll now have the opportunity to do a huge favor for the man who just beat him when he takes the stand against the league’s legal firm, Zan’s #6 Bateman & Dobbins, in week 11. 

Great Locker Room Guys – 151.02

Mooney Toons – 104.16

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

Entering this matchup as teams on complete opposite ends of the league standings, both left the same way, after the Great Locker Room Guys put the smack down on the Mooney Toons. This one got started with just one play on Thursday night, when Tyler streamed the Bears D/ST in lieu of the Eagles (BYE). An early punt return for a touchdown from the Panthers had the Commissioner salty, but his D/ST unit settled in as the night progressed, ceding just two field goals and no tuddies to the Panther offense. Tack on 3 sacks to go with the lower point total and you get 7 fantasy points from da Bears, which is average, but a satisfying finish for Mr. Commish and his Amazon Prime streamer. Tyler slept through Sunday morning’s German action and woke to find Demario Douglas with 14.4 on his bench. Feeling this was bad omen, Tyler threw up a Hail Mary of his own and sacrificed a pair of gas station donut sticks in hopes of similar or better production in his starting lineup. The early games brought much joy to this ginger, as Ja’Marr Chase (23.4) dominated despite a lingering, devastating back bruise suffered in week 9. Tank Dell (18.9) scored his third touchdown in the past two weeks, and Mr. Reliable himself, Jaylen Warren (19), finally broke 100 rushing yards in a game. But the real treats of this scorecard came from the same game – Lions @ Chargers. An early interception for Justin Herbert left Tyler thinking the J-Herb nickname would stay on the shelf for another week. But more than 300 passing yards and 4 scores later, that lanky Oregon duck earned it back. And we can’t forget the rookie stud that is Jahmyr Gibbs (26.2), who scored 2 more times on the ground in this game. To be fair, Gibbs could’ve done a lot more damage, as 22 of his fantasy points came before the half. Across the card, Cole actually had most of his players produce satisfactory days. Geno Smith (24.06) managed his best performance of the season so far, his second game of 20+ fantasy points. Kenneth Walker (19.7) had himself a day after turning one short target into a 64-yard score. Arthur Smith finally remembered he has one of the best football players in the league on his roster, allowing Bijan Mustard (17.6) to get more than a couple touches against the worst team in the NFL, though the Falcons STILL lost... Heck, even the Ravens D/ST (14) put together a solid fantasy day, though they started the game MUCH better than they finished it, losing in walk-off fashion after a Browns field goal. Six of nine Mooney Toons starters turned in double-digit scores. To sum up the real difference in this matchup, Cole’s three starters that didn’t turn in single-digit scores combined for 1.6 fantasy points. You read that right – COMBINED. Somehow, Michael Thomas found himself available to score 1.9 fantasy points instead of sitting in a jail cell, then Jahan Dotson (0) went 0-for-2 in the target department, and Marvin Mims (-0.3) lost 3 yards on his only carry Monday night. Are you ready for your fun fact of the day? Out of ten weeks of fantasy football played in 2023, Cole has started at least one player scoring zero or fewer points in six of them. Not a recipe for success. Now that Cole has strapped on his cement Jordans and sank himself to the bottom of the standings, where he’s two wins away from even tying for the #11 spot, he’ll get one of his best shots at climbing out of this Waffle House destiny in a week 11 matchup with Brandon’s #10 Burrows Before Hoes. Will Cole be able to break his league-worst seven-game losing streak? As for the Commissioner, he’s extending his winning streak to eight weeks and now has a two-win cushion atop of the overall standings. With a four-win advantage in the Tilt-A-Whirl division, it would take a meltdown of epic proportions, his team losing each of these final four matchups, to fall out of playoff contention. But we all know the most important game is the next one, which may very well end up the toughest in this final stretch of the season for the Great Locker Room Guys. They’ll travel to Mentone to face off against Justin’s hungry #5 Tone Deaf Men in a week 11 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK candidate.

Kmet the Frog – 151.02

Sons of AnArchie – 107.76

The Frog Does It Again

Tying Tyler’s Great Locker Room Guys for the highest score of the week, we have Bobo’s #7 Kmet the Frog! This team was lying in the pits of the league standings just a few short weeks ago, but has since rolled off three straight wins to climb up to the playoff window and start peeking in. Did Bobo have an obvious advantage entering the weekend? Sure. Trevor was without Travis Kelce, Jalen Waddle, High Knees Pacheco, and the Chiefs D/ST as they were all on BYE while Bobo was at full-strength. But 150+ points would still be a strong day for the Sons of AnArchie if their starters were actually available, so we can’t put an asterisk on this one. The heavy dose of BYE weeks did leave the Sons scoring their second-lowest total of the season, dating all the way back to week 4. But in researching this, it was discovered that only three teams have failed to score fewer than 100 points in a single week so far this season: Sons of AnArchie, Mike Vick in a Box, and the Tone Deaf Men of Mentone. That’s rather impressive. Back to this particular matchup – Trevor had just two starters go for more than 15 fantasy points, those being Kyler Murray (17.26) in his first game since tearing his ACL a year ago, and Compact Disk Lamb (39.5) with his 11-151-1 receiving line accompanied by a rushing tuddy. Lamb also just became the first player in NFL history to have three consecutive performances of 10 catches and 150 yards. The passing game in the NFL is ridiculously wide open these days. Meanwhile, Kmet the Frog saw just one starter fail to reach double-digits, with seven going for 15+ points, three of those going for 20+. The aforementioned Lions at Chargers game might have been the best overall game for fantasy production, and Bobo was a recipient of two of those performances. Jared Goff (21.12) and Austin Ekeler (21.5) each had themselves a day. Javonte Williams (21) put a cherry on top of this beating on Monday night, his first time breaking the 20-point threshold this season. Now in the middle of a three-way tie in the Champ & Chumpz division, Kmet the Frog will fight for a division lead in their week 11 matchup with Dustin’s #3 Deshaun Wantsome, a team coming off of the lowest score of week 10. With their stars available and their starting lineup at full-strength, the #2 Sons of AnArcie are aiming to separate themselves from the rest of the Watkinsville division if they can defeat the reigning champion, Josh.

Pat JJ’s Broken Chubb – 93.20

Burrows Before Hoes – 72.88

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

It’s very rare to find yourself in the win column when your starting QB produces just 2.1 fantasy points, which is exactly what Trevor Lawrence did for Keaton in week 10. But your chances drastically increase if you possess the only player on the entire scorecard to produce 20+, which is exactly what Brian Robinson (27.7) did for the Broken Chubb. No, the week 10 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK did not produce like we’d hoped for, but Keaton must be extremely pleased with the result. Any time you can steal a victory with three starters on BYE is a huge positive. It’s especially positive for this Broken Chubb team that was coming off three straight losses and had their manager spiraling into a mental and emotional abyss. I feel like I should give honorable mention to Keaton’s play of Popcorn Sutton, which paid off with 17.3 points in Buffalo on Monday night, really putting this matchup to rest. I also feel I should give honorable mention to the only honorable start on the Hoes’ side of the lineup card – Joe Burrow and his 19.88 points. But then again, Joey B basically threw the game away by throwing more completions to the Texans than to his fellow Bengals in crunch time. I also feel some type of way about saying too much for a member of the league who’s sent less than ten messages in the group chat since the conclusion of draft weekend back in mid-August. So I’ll stop right after I state that Brandon’s #10 Burrows Before Hoes has now lost back-to-back matchups after fighting their way out of the dumpster juice at the 12th ranking. His hopes to win the Tilt-A-Whirl division title are taking their final breaths. But now I’m facing a dilemma. I was hoping I could wish him a third consecutive loss, one to a more dedicated member in the group chat. Lo and behold, Brandon’s week 11 opponent is the only man who might respond in the chat more rarely than he – Cole Germain and his #12 Mooney Toons. Is there any way y’all could both lose? On a lighter note, Keaton will take his W, and his 5-5 record, and his tied-for-the-top position in the Hamz Deli Shop division status and put them all on the line against Opey’s #11 Taylor Park Boys this upcoming weekend. Opey is fresh off back-to-back wins, so the vibes are higher than ever down in the Taylor Park. (Totally unrelated but kinda related – Taylor Park, Colorado is one of the most beautiful places on Earth and I think that every single one of you should go, should you ever get the opportunity.)

Bateman & Dobbins – 121.32

Deshaun Wantsome – 68.16

League's Co-Commissioner Found Guilty of Fraud

Last, but definitely not least, the ass-kicking of the week was just administered by the legal team of Bateman & Dobbins. These guys went full-blown Matthew McConaughey Lincoln Lawyer on our league’s Co-Commissioner. I’m talking, got their client off for assault, just to burn them for murder. I’m talking, Slick said “Well, I’ve still got your gun.” And then Zan smugly said, “Mhmm, and you’re gonna have to tell them (the police) how you got it.” If you’ve not seen this movie, do yourself a great service and just go watch the damn thing. I’m not saying I’d leave my wife for Matthew McConaughey, but I’d think about it. Especially in this role as Mickey Haller. But I digress... You all came here for fantasy football reviews, not some weird guy’s infatuation with the generational talent that we all know as Matthew McConaughey, and I like to give the people what they want. Deshaun did, indeed, NOT Wantsome, as this team posted the lowest score of week 10, which is also the third-lowest score of the year. No, there was no goose egg, no doughnut, on the scorecard. But just two starters posted double-digit scores – Rhamondre Stevenson (13.2) and James Cook (12). Yes, starters such as Jalen Hurts, D’Andre Swift, and Nico Collins were unavailable. Yet this leaves no excuse for such a lacking performance from a member of such stature. Upon further inspection, it turns out that the two best players on this Deshaun Wantsome roster in week 10 were left on the bench – Quentin Johnston (13.4) and Jayden Reed (19.4). Meanwhile, Bateman & Dobbins commenced to beating Dustin to the tune of 53.16 points, riding studs like Amon-Ra St. Brown (30.5) and CMC (20.2) to victory. This ass-kicking came from a team that even started a 0.2 score from Zack Moss in the FLEX. A sad sidebar – Christian McCaffery’s streak of 17 consecutive games with a touchdown came to an end this weekend, leaving him tied for the longest such streak in NFL history. This loss marks back-to-back losses for the Church of Gronk Co-Commissioner, leaving us to question if his team really has the moxy to make something shake down the stretch? Can this #3 Deshaun Wantsome roster perform when the stakes are the highest, in the closing weeks of the regular season, amid an intense divisional race?! Maybe we’ll find out after their week 11 matchup with a #7 Kmet the Frog squad that appears to be heating up at the right time. For Zan, the stakes might be just as high. His #6 Bateman & Dobbins are in the middle of a three-way tie at 5-5 in the Champ & Chumpz division. Every win is a must-have at this point and it’s not like every division can send multiple teams to the postseason tournament. Their next test comes against a 5-5 Mike Vick in a Box team that is down, but not out, and is dying to get back on track.