If you were to Google the definition of the word punishment, the first sentence you’d see states: “the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.” A few lines below that, you’d see it written: “rough treatment or handling inflicted on or suffered by a person or thing.” I’m sure most of us have been in a position where we’ve done something wrong (committed an offense) and have received a punishment; we suffered the negative consequences of our poor decisions. But punishment in the fantasy football realm tends to lean toward that latter definition.
See, in many fantasy leagues, a punishment is all about humiliating the poor soul falling victim to it. I call this person a poor soul because, most times in fantasy sports, they’re being punished simply for bad luck. Maybe a few close breaks just didn’t go their way. Maybe that one trade they made early in the season panned out the exact opposite of how they expected. Maybe their top pick in the draft suffered a season-ending injury. I doubt many people enter a fantasy league with the intention of being its worst performer; there’s no joy or glory in that. It’s become customary for leagues to highlight the shortcomings of their league’s Sacko, sometimes even more than the successes of their league champion! That’s where the inspiration for this piece comes from.
Long before the Church of Gronk ever had a champion’s trophy, a championship ring, a winner’s t-shirt, or even annual awards to celebrate high-scoring teams and regular season champs, there was some kind of punishment reserved for the last-place finisher. In the early years, things were simple. If I remember correctly, the very first punishment was simply forcing this unfortunate member to serve as the beer b**** at the following draft (had to refill every other member’s beer for duration of the draft and could not refuse). As seasons passed, we tried to build onto that. We eventually added a toilet seat trophy and requirement of this member to wear a tutu and tiara while serving drinks throughout the draft. Then, we decided to take it to the next level.
At the 2020 draft, we voted to install the Waffle House Challenge as the loser’s punishment. This challenge requires the participant to sit in a Waffle House for 24 consecutive hours. For each waffle they eat, one hour is reduced from their sentence. The participant isn’t supposed to leave the restaurant until the equivalent of 24 hours/waffles has passed. One of our more tenured members and previous champions, Zan, fell into this punishment as the 2020 Sacko. He asked for a date and location, and followed through like a real man! 10 hours and 14 waffles later, his punishment had been served and our league grew stronger because of it.
See, in the past, our league has had members come in last place and then just ghost the league to avoid punishment. Members like that don’t make a fantasy league great. They honestly detract from its potential. One member (who shall not be named) finished the 2021 season with one of the worst records in league history at 2-12. Keep in mind that every member in our league has the same amount of input on punishment and we vote as a group at the annual draft party, before teams are even drafted. So this member knew what was coming and had plenty of time to prepare himself for this punishment as he saw his team floundering at the bottom of the standings each week.
The punishment to be served at the conclusion of the 2021 season was for our Sacko to register for and take the ACT standardized test. The registration fee would be covered by our league fund, and our members even offered to help set up this event. After weeks and weeks of delaying, this member waited us out to the point that no local test centers were administering the test. Then, you guessed it, ghosted the league. With our league’s desire for members with integrity, this person was relieved of his position and replaced with someone that we believe will fulfill his potential obligations. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Now, let’s make a quick transition away from the heavier punishment of being the league’s overall loser, to punishments a little more light-hearted. During our draft, we like to spice things up with small punishments that can be served immediately for draft infractions. These infractions might be something like announcing your pick of a player who’s already been drafted, being the first member to draft a quarterback, defense, or kicker (when we had kickers), or being a member who drafts a backup defense or kicker. These punishments have slightly varied over the years. A classic that we often use is requiring the member to chug a full beer followed immediately by 20 push-ups. The great thing about this punishment is that it’s quick, simple, and typically leads to the member committing more infractions later in the draft.
Another punishment we’d installed for a draft infraction at the 2020 event was the consumption of an Ole Smoky moonshine pickle. Imagine a tart dill spear. Then imagine it’s been pickled in kerosene. Now imagine your stomach is full of tailgate food and beer, and you’ve just announced, with pride, your pick of a player who’s already been drafted. Because you committed this infraction, you’re tasked with eating one of these flammable treats in front of the whole group; the spotlight is on you. There’s only one problem – you HATE pickles. This would be your life at the 2020 draft if you were our dear member, Devarus. You may ask, “Did he end up eating the pickle??” The answer would be no, but most of us believe karma has taken care of this issue, as his teams over the past two seasons have posted losing records, even landing him in the fight of his life during the 2021 Sacko Bowl. There is one member who still can’t let it go though; maybe you could ask Brandon about that…
As you can see, punishments in fantasy can be very fun and rewarding for the members in your league who aren’t serving them. And really, the person serving the punishment may just learn a thing or two about themselves! I’m certain Zan didn’t know he could eat that many waffles in one sitting. Personally, I believe the punishment is best for keeping members involved until the very end. This is something that most every fantasy league has struggled with, or will struggle with, in its infancy. Members lose interest because they lack confidence in their teams, thus leaving said teams to rot in the latter half of the season. This is no good for anyone because potential trade offers made to members like this will be inadvertently ignored. Most likely, the uninterested member isn’t ignoring you on purpose, they’ve just given up hope and don’t even log into their fantasy app anymore. For members who are competitive and thrive on smack talk, there’s none of that to enjoy when your weekly matchup is against a team whose owner isn’t even present.
So do your league a favor and discuss punishments. Sure, they’re fun and have the potential to create hilarious stories and memories for years to come. But they also serve a greater purpose of keeping everyone involved throughout the completion of your season. More times than not, you’ll probably have 3 or 4 teams scratching and clawing in the closing weeks to avoid becoming your league’s Sacko. That’s often more entertaining than watching the two teams duking it out in the championship round.
"Without suffering there is no growth."
-Trevor "Rooster" Norris, COG Class of 2020
"I'd never eat a pickle, but I would've taken the ACT."
-Devarus "D-var" Porter, COG Class of 2018